See:
II. C. 1. b. positive constructive style
ACTIVE
AND CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONDING
This
table illustrates two examples of the four styles.
YOUR
PARTNER SHARES POSITIVE EVENT
|
TYPE
OF RESPONSE
|
YOUR
RESPONSE
|
“I
received a promotion and a raise at work!”
|
Active
and Constructive
|
“That
is great! I am so proud of you. I know how important that
promotion was to you! Please relive the event with me now. Where
were you when your boss told you? What did he say? How did you
react? We should go out and celebrate.” Nonverbal: maintaining
eye contact, displays of positive emotions, such as genuine
smiling, touching, laughing.
|
Passive
and Constructive
|
“That
is good news. You deserve it.” Nonverbal: little to no active
emotional expression.
|
|
Active
and Destructive
|
“That
sounds like a lot of responsibility to take on. Are you going to
spend even fewer nights at home now?” Nonverbal: displays of
negative emotions, such as furrowed brow, frowning.
|
|
Passive
and Destructive
|
“What’s
for dinner?” Nonverbal: little to no eye contact, turning away,
leaving the room.
|
|
“I
just won five hundred dollars in a charity raffle!”
|
Active
and Constructive
|
“Wow,
what luck. Are you going to buy yourself something nice? How did
you buy that ticket? Doesn’t it feel great to win something?”
Nonverbal: maintaining eye contact, displays of positive emotions.
|
Passive
and Constructive
|
“That
is nice.” Nonverbal: little to no active emotional expression.
|
|
Active
and Destructive
|
“I
bet you are going to have to pay taxes on that. I never win
anything.” Nonverbal: displays of negative emotions.
|
|
Passive
and Destructive
|
“I
had a bad day at work today.” Nonverbal: little eye contact,
turning away.
|
Source: Flourish Audiobook pdf file - I highly recommend this book.
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